Let’s face it, no marriage is perfect. No matter how smart or righteous you think you or your spouse is you going to have trouble more than once throughout your marriage. I wouldn’t be surprised if at some point in your married life you question your decision on why you married this person in the first place. Let me begin this post by sharing a sacred experience I had long ago.
Let me take you back to March of 1999. My boyfriend and I had been dating for a short time period (about 4 months) and everything was going great. We had a lot in common, we laughed a ton and tried hard to spend every available moment together. Changes were coming up though and we needed to see if this relationship needed to become more serious or if it was best to part ways. I was only eighteen at the time and was still in my first year of college so I knew I had a lot of time to settle down. However, my boyfriend was finished with his mission and looking to move on to the next stage in life which was marriage. I knew I loved him, I could see myself with him in the future but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to settle down and move towards marriage. He was leaving the area we were living in to continue his schooling and this would put us in a place of a long distance relationship which neither of us were interested in doing. We decided to pray about whether or not we should marry. We each took sometime to ourselves to contemplate this decision. My contemplation consisted of pondering, fasting and finally prayer while his consisted of some of the same things along with temple attendance. We agreed that we would meet back up together in a few days to discuss our personal feelings. I knew this was probably the most important decision I would make in my life, thus I didn’t take it lightly. After a long day of fasting and pondering I knelt down by my bed side and prayed that if I was to marry this person the Lord would give me a clear and distinct answer. An answer that I would never have to question. My life was changed that night. I knew for a fact that Brandon was indeed who I should marry. The answer was clear as day and came immediately after my prayer was ended. There was no denying what I had felt. This answer would prove to be a blessing for years to come.
Despite being true in our desire to marry and have a successful marriage how do we continue on to stay true to our covenants after the marriage is over and reality has settled in? We know the statistics on marriage and sometimes they are grim. We knew that temptations arise in marriage and that too often sacred covenants are broken for many different reasons. We knew that infidelity in marriage occurs. Elder Richard G. Scott warned, “Intimate acts are forbidden by the Lord outside of marriage because they undermine His purposes. When experienced any other way, they are against His will. They cause serious emotional and spiritual harm.” Not only does infidelity play a huge part in divorce but it also has a traumatic impact on the spouse and family. Infidelity also serves as a public health issue, spreading sexually transmitted diseases. Infidelity can be due to choices in viewing pornography, objectification of the opposite sex, overemphasizing the visual perspective of what our spouse should look like, and overemphasizing what our marital sex life should be like. If you struggle with any of these things that could lead to infidelity, I highly encourage you to seek professional and spiritual help before it becomes out of control and your family ends up suffering unnecessary consequences.
Let’s discuss ways to stay true to your covenants. May I suggest that first you set boundaries for yourself in the work place and where you spend your time socially. Know what is appropriate and what is not. If you feel like you can’t tell your spouse who you’re confiding in or spending your time with then that is probably a red flag. Keep the flirting to just your spouse. Become accountable for your actions and takes step to correct behaviors if necessary. Build a bank account of trust with your spouse and strive to strictly only make deposits in this account- no withdrawals. Offer both repentance and forgiveness if necessary. Finally date your spouse regularly. Focus on the positive things about your spouse, offer patience and gratitude for who they are and don’t give up on each other.
During hard times in my own marriage I have had to go back to that sacred night when my answer was in the affirmative when asking if Brandon was the right person to marry. I have had to rely on that answer to get me though tough times. I will be eternally grateful to my Savior and the Holy Ghost for that sacred conformation.
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