Knowing whom to date and when is important, for dating leads to the biggest decision of your life. "President Thomas S. Monson, speaking of his decision to ask his future wife for a date, said, "That decision, I believe, was perhaps the most important decision that I have ever made," Speaking of the marraige decision, President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry." (Hawkins, et al.) Before you can make this most important decision you first have to learn how to have a successful serious relationship.
It takes faith to move forward and leave the past in the past. If you have hesitation about marriage or serious relationships find out where that hesitation is coming from. Ask yourself these questions- Have I been hurt in a past relationship? Have I learned to not be able to trust? Have I seen to many examples of failed marriages? Am I scared to commit? These and other poignant questions can help you come to grips with any personal issues you may have and then you can work on solving them before bringing baggage into a relationship. The best person to start addressing some of these hard questions is your Savior, Jesus Christ. It is through the His atonement that wrongs can be made right. It is through the atonement that you can heal and change. It will take effort, sometimes tremendous effort, and humility on your part but if the changes that take place prepare you for a better eternal companion it is all worth it in the end.
Lets start from the beginning. To begin a relationship first you have to meet someone. Take time to get to know the person you are interested in. Learn their likes and dislikes and see if you have things in common. If at first glance you appear to be a good match it is probably time to transition to the build-up stage. This is where an official date comes in. According to Elder Dallin H. Oaks, the following three things define a date, "planned ahead, paid for (by the man), and paired off." These dates are where official relationships begin. This is a good thing!
If after a few "official dates" things are looking good you can assess the health of the new relationship by understanding whether it is immature or mature love. According to the book Successful Marriages and Families, there are different characteristics that help a person understand healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. Immature or unhealthy relationships who promote feelings of possessiveness, jealousy, infatuation, preoccupation and anxiety. The behaviors of each individual might consist of selfishness, lust, clinging, over-dependent and demanding obedience form the partner. Does sound like a very pleasant relationship, does it?
Now compare those traits with the following traits of a mature or healthy relationship. In a mature relationship you would find lasting passion for the other person, a desire for companionship, warm feeling of contentment. You would understand that loves means, commitment, trust, sharing and sacrifice. All of these feelings and emotions would create an opportunity for positive growth and development. This sounds like a much more stable relationship in which to preside.
If you're in a relationship now and it could be described using the words from the list of unhealthy relationships I would invite you to reassess the purpose of the relationship, use your communication skills to express your feelings and concerns and if it's better to end it and move on the sooner it's done the better. "If it is right to break off a relationship, how can that be done so as to cause the least hurt? The family proclamation principles that lead to successful marriages can be applied to relationships that do not proceed to marriage; the principles of prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, and work seem especially appropriate." (Hawkins et al.)
Keep your goal for an eternal marriage in mind. You cannot obtain that eternal plan for yourself by staying in a relationship that you know is not going to lead you to your eternal spouse. Continue to date. Pray for guidance in your dating decisions and allow the Lord to work through you in finding that future eternal spouse.
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