Sometimes life just isn't fair. Sometimes we bring trials upon ourselves and other times we experience trials because of other peoples choices. Some of our hardest trials may come in our marital relationships. When hardships arise, how are you supposed to hold a marriage together?
In the book Successful Marriages and Families, Nathan L. Lamber who authored the chapter on strengthening marriages during hardships spoke about the term “sanctification of marriage.” This refers to each spouse perceiving the marriage as being holy and sacred. Understanding your marriage to be something that is holy and sacred can completely change your view about how you proceed in times of trial.
May I suggest that you have regular prayer with your spouse, especially in times of need. Prayer is a time for you to invite the influence of the Holy Ghost into your marriage and it can serve as a witness to help you understand the Lord’s will for you and your spouse. In speaking of prayer, President Thomas S. Monson said he received the following counsel from his marriage sealer on his wedding day; “May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can’t pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward on another.” What great advice for any of us.
I can testify that kneeing together, on bended knee, makes a difference in my own marriage. Every night my husband and I make it a priority to say our prayers together as a couple. There have been times when we are not happy with each other but knowing that before we lay our heads down we will be saying our prayers together really makes a difference on the reactions I choose to have. When we do say our prayers, often times those feelings of anger and frustration disappear during those simple prayers.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks talks about the power of prayer also. He states, “If you are already descending into the low state of marraige-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony.
One other piece of advice I have for you is to pray for your spouse. Pray to understand them, pray to love them and pray to see them as Christ see’s them. I have no doubt that as you turn to the Lord in prayer and invite him to be apart of your marriage and are willing to humble yourself your marriage can become a crowning blessing throughout eternity.
I invite you read or listen to the following talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks. His words teach an important sermon for anyone who might be thinking that marriage is too hard and who may be contemplating divorce.
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